The Totally Not Suspicious and Obviously True Stories of The Marauders
by SeeYouBeBrave
Summary: These are the totally not suspicious and obviously true stories of the Marauders. Come along and join the fun as Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs proudly go on adventures, get into trouble, and probably break a lot of things. Pranks will be played, chocolate will be eaten, and puns will be punned as the personal banes of Professor McGonagall will get some... mischief managed.
1. Monsters

**AN: This will be a series of one shots about the Marauders or in the Marauders era. I'm not sure how long this will be, but each one shot will be at least 1,000 words a piece. Hope you enjoy!**

Remus Lupin was a monster.

Or at least, he thought of himself as a monster. How could he not? It was in his blood. He couldn't change that fact, no matter how hard he wanted to, wished he could. He had tried. He had tried when he was a little boy. He had tried the first few lonely weeks of Hogwarts. He tried every day. Promised any deity he could think of anything they wanted, if they could only make him human. Make him not a monster. But for as much as he had hoped and wished, Remus was not a fool. He had no illusions. He was a monster.

So, it was a shock to Remus that there were three other people that knew he was a monster and accepted it. And not in the way Remus had. No. They had accepted him as a monster, but as a human too. As if he somehow how deserved the respect they gave him. At first, he figured these three boys, his roommates, had just wanted a swot to help them with their homework and classes. All of them were smart, each with their own strengths and weaknesses. It couldn't have been that. But what was it? What made them want to hang around a monster like himself, Remus would wonder. For a long time, he did. He pondered and reflected and catalogued and he tried and tried to figure it out. But as time went on, just like most things, he learned to accept it. They wanted to be his friends, so Remus, being the smart boy he was, decided not to look a gift thestral in the mouth.

Peter Pettigrew was a lonely little boy. Ever since his Dad left him and his Mum as a child, he had felt lonely. When he got to Hogwarts, he didn't expect much better. At least at home he had his Mum and their little cat, Pepper. He never expected to make friends, let alone friends like them. Friends that made sure he never felt lonely again. He and Sirius threw dung bombs in the girl's bathroom. James helped him with his transfiguration. Remus and Peter laughed as one of Sirius' prank went awfully wrong and McGonagall hauled him off to her office. Summers were filled with letters and school days were filled with shenanigans. Peter would not feel lonely for a long, long time.

Sirius Black thought he'd never be a part of a family again. His parents hated him. His brother wouldn't talk to him. Even the house elf despised him. He was a pureblooded prince of the old. And he hated it. Hated his family for supporting that murderer and them hating him. For what? Not caring about people's blood status? For having friends who loved him? For not feeling superior just because he was a Black?

Screw that. Sirius was going to make sure that he proved them wrong. He was going to be the loudest, rudest, biggest disgrace his mother has ever seen, even if he had to prank Dumbledore himself. He would be a blood traitor, loud and proud. His friends loved him despite his dark family history, despite the darkness he felt still lingered inside him. They saw the good and the bad and they still stuck by him. Sirius never thought he'd get a second chance at a family, but he soon realized he was wrong.

James Potter had always been confused about the idea of brothers. Siblings in general baffled him. There were so many ins and outs. Protocols that seemed to change every other minute. Hatred and loved all in one second. Where one ends the other begins. James Potter knew nothing of this, until Remus, Peter, and Sirius came along. It wasn't much of a stretch to say that they had changed his life completely. Most days were adventures whether they were planning pranks, studying in the common room, or jumping from moving stair case to moving stair case. Even the simplest of things felt like adventures when it came to them.

But some days, he wanted to pull his hair out. And anytime he'd comment this the other three were quick to make fun of his hair in general. James knew they were bound to get on each other's nerves considering all the time they spent together. They shared a room, they shared classes, and they shared more personal space than actually necessary. But Merlin knew he loved them all. So much that they had all cheered when they found new bunkbeds waiting for them on the first day of term in their dormitory. Just another thing for them to share in their lives.

"James." Sirius whispered from where he was (supposed to be) sleeping on the top bunk.

"James!" Sirius hissed again when he had gotten no answer.

Yes, James loved them all like brothers. He also hated them all like brothers too.

"Sirius, I swear to Merlin I am not going to argue with you about whether dementors come in any other color than black. Go to sleep." James replied, not even turning over.

"No!" Sirius whispered. "It's not that. It's just… Did you check?"

"What?"

"Did you check?" Sirius insisted.

James rolled over and glanced at his friend, just making out his form lit up by the moon light. It was a little over a half moon, twelve days until the full moon. James would have never known that before… He turned his gaze from Sirius to Remus who was laying on the bottom bunk underneath Sirius. Remus. His incredibly smart, wonderful, sarcastic, asshole of a friend, who just happened to be a werewolf.

"Did I check what Sirius?" James said, snapping out of his train of thought.

"For monsters?" Sirius whispered, his voice horrified.

Remus sighed from underneath his covers.

"I think there's a monster underneath my bed…"

James started laughing before he knew it. Only Sirius would ever attempt to make a joke like that. Sirius currently had on a shit-eating grin as James laughed. He joined in on the laughter when Peter fell off of his top bunk bed laughing so hard.

"I will kill you all." Remus groaned, but they could all see his slight smile as he turned over, burrowing deeper into his covers, listening to the sounds of his friends' laughter. As Remus closed his eyes he thought of an old favorite book from his childhood and he remembered a word that seemed to describe his friends right on the nose.

"Good night, you Marauders." Remus mumbled to his friends who were still laughing.

Remus Lupin thought he was a monster. But so did his friends. And somehow, that made everything alright.


	2. Lily Vs Remus

**AN: A lot of these one-shots will be based off of random headcannons that I find on Pinterest. But sometimes those posts don't come with the original link to the original content. I don't want to give credit to someone who's just stolen someone else's idea, so if you know the original post for these, please let me know! I don't claim to own the characters or the overall idea, only my writing.**

At Hogwarts, there was one undeniable truth amongst the students, and even the staff. The Marauders were the biggest pranksters to hit the school since Gideon and Fabian Prewitt. Everybody knew this. Everybody knew that they played prank after prank, that they terrorized both the staff and students with their antics. They somehow managed to traverse the school with ease, never running into the staff or the students. Even Filch hadn't manage to catch them yet. Only McGonagall had been a match for the four boys. But she was only one witch after all. And she had a whole school to help look after. So the Marauders pranks went mostly unopposed. And nobody but themselves knew how they did it. How they got away with so much.

Nobody… Except Lily Evans.

"James! Tell your boyfriend to stay off of my sweater, he keeps getting dog hair on it." Lily said, glaring at James Potter.

James, who was sitting in a plush red chair in the common room, looked up from his book. Glancing around he made sure his voice wouldn't carry.

"Lily, someone could hear you!" James replied.

Sirius smirked from the chair next to James. He hadn't meant to get hair on her sweater, it was an accident. Honestly. But he was curious as to how James would respond. Defend his best friend or placate his crush?

"No one is around, and I've got a charm on the stairwells to alert me in case someone starts coming down. Now, really, look at my sweater! It's covered in dog hair! How would I even explain this? I don't have a dog… Or a cat for that matter. If you want me to keep your little secret, tell me how I'm supposed to explain this!" Lily ranted, waving her hair covered sweater around in the air.

"Uhhh…" James started to say something, anything really, but he had no idea what to do or how to make Lily happy again.

"It's my fault, Lily Flower. Got my hair all over. Leave lover boy here alone. Give me all of your scorn!" Sirius said, a smirk still firmly placed on his face. The fire crackled and popped in the few moments of silence before Lily turned her ire towards Sirius.

"Just what were you doing on my sweater, Black?" Lily glared at him, trying to wipe away some of the hair. She couldn't think of a charm that would help her with this. Both boys could see that her next stop would be to the library for some extra charms research.

"Well, you see, that perfume you wear? Padfoot loves it. Couldn't help myself from rolling around on your sweater. Probably shouldn't have left it in the commons anyway." Sirius said, running his fingers through his hair like he didn't have a care in the world.

But that story couldn't have been further from the truth. The truth was Peter and James wanted to see what Padfoot looked like with a sweater on. The boys had sweaters that were too big for Padfoot, so Sirius grabbed the smaller, more feminine version that was just lying there in the common room. Remus, knowing it was Lily's and knowing what her reaction would be like, just grinned and went back to reading his runes book. The boys didn't think the owner would miss the sweater, they only needed it long enough to take several pictures of the black dog in it.

"Black…" Lily started angrily. But Sirius was no longer sitting on the chair by the fireplace. In his place was a shaggy black dog.

"Don't even think…"

Padfoot jumped down from the chair and padded over to Lily, giving her his best puppy dog eyes.

"Just because you're adorable doesn't mean I'm not still angry, Black." Lily said, her hands on her hips. James hid his face in his textbook, hoping to muffle the laughter coming from his mouth.

Padfoot cocked his head to the side, one ear flopping over, staring up at Lily. Lily sighed and threw her arms down.

"Damn it Black, you can't do this every time!" Lily said as she bent down and scratched behind his ears. She laughed as his tail swished back and forth on the floor.

"You suck," Lily laughed. "Stay away from my clothes!"

Sirius licked her face and ran back to the chair he was sitting in. By the time Lily wiped the slobber off her face, profusely shouting her disgust, Sirius Black was once more a human looking like he hadn't moved an inch.

"You boys are lucky he's such a cute dog." Lily said, her anger dissipating for good.

"Sirius!" A new angry voice yelled down the stairs from the boy dormitories. Lily waved her wand to turn off the alarm that triggered as someone barreled down the stairs.

"Sirius! Where is it?" Remus shouted, angrier than Lily had seen him in a while.

"Uhh…" Sirius said, his face going a bit pale. It was now James' turn to smirk as Sirius' crush came to berate him. Oh how the tables do turn.

"Where is my stash of nice chocolate that I've been saving for weeks?" Remus asked, standing over Sirius. James looked at Sirius wide eyed. Remus was a kind person. He took everything in stride. He didn't care when Purebloods made fun of him for being a Halfblood. He didn't care when people called him a nerd or a swot. He didn't care when the Marauders copied his homework instead of doing it themselves (potions is a really hard class Moony, honestly!). But if there was one line you never crossed with Remus, it was to never, ever take his chocolate.

In a flash, Sirius Black was once more Padfoot. His tail was wagging and his eyes were big and round. Padfoot whined and butted his head against Remus's leg. Remus slowly and gently pet the top of Padfoot's head. Padfoot barked happily.

"I'm going to kill you when you change back."


	3. On Getting Dates

**AN: Unless stated, none of these oneshots have a specific age for the Marauders. Picture them as old or as young as you want. This one they are dating age, so a bit older, but still up to you!**

 **The Marauders on Getting Dates**

There is one day of the year that all the staff at Hogwarts dreads more so than any other. The day of sugar fueled kids with raging hormones. The day of chocolate and broom cupboards.

Valentine's day.

It wouldn't surprise anyone to find that the Marauders had plans for Valentine's day. What would surprise them though, was the fact that they didn't plan on blowing up the great hall or turning the Slytherins pink (Classic).

It might also surprise certain people to know that Peter Pettigrew was the one of the Marauders that got the most dates. The fact was, girls thought he was adorable. He was a cute boy that was kind, funny, and treated them like ladies. Girls who were sick of boys that turned out to be jerks, generally flocked around Peter. At first, everyone was shocked, even his friends. Everyone thought that the ever so popular James Potter, quidditch star with great hair, would get all the girls. But the girls at Hogwarts didn't waste their time. Everyone knew that James Potter only had eyes for Lily Evans. There was no point in trying to get a date out of him. But Peter, was a nice boy. You'd be surprised, considering all of the stories where a good girl meets a bad boy and falls in love, that a good guy like Peter got many dates.

"Hey, there cutie." Claire Diamonds said as she passed Peter and Sirius in the hallway on their way to charms.

"Well, hello." Sirius purred.

"Not you Black," Claire fired back. "Peter, I was wondering if you wanted to study together sometime?"

"Sure thing Claire, name the time and place." Peter replied, glancing briefly at Sirius, who seemed to be stuck between smirking at his friend's good luck with ladies and pouting because Claire hadn't called him cute.

"Hmmm. How about after dinner tonight in the abandoned classroom up on floor five? The one by that angel statue? I like to study in private…" Claire winked at him and walked away.

"Maybe we could go to Hogsmeade for Valentine's this weekend?" Peter grinned and Claire nodded.

Sirius waited until she had rounded the corner and walked for another minute before pulling Peter into a headlock.

"You little scoundrel! Getting a date with Claire!" Sirius crowed as Peter laughed and tried to get out of Sirius's grip.

"I don't even know what I did!" Peter replied.

"Me neither mate, me neither."

…..

Remus Lupin had little interest in dating. He was just trying to graduate from Hogwarts without killing anybody. Whether that be in his werewolf form or just trying not strangle his friends was left to be seen. The Marauders were more than a handful. Merlin knew he loved them. But somedays, they were just a little too much.

"I was having trouble with the charm in class today. Do you think you could help me Remus?" Marlene Mckinnon asked. She had stopped Remus outside the library.

"Of course. It's a tricky one, but I'll do what I can to help. Do you want to meet up after dinner in the common room?" Remus asked, shifting his bag onto his shoulder. He riffled through it looking for a charms book he had that might be able to help the poor girl.

"Is seven good?" Marlene asked, smiling brightly.

"What's this?" Sirius's voice rang out and Remus tried to stop his groan.

"Remus has a date with a girl? What about Valentine's day?" Sirius asked, his hand over his heart, his face a picture of shock.

"No, it's not like that…" Marlene said, looking curiously between the two boys.

"Come now, Remus is a handsome young man, I certainly can't blame you for-"

"Fetch." Remus said as he threw a tennis ball down the hallway. Sirius hesitated for only a split second before running down the hallway in pursuit of the ball. Remus watched him chase the ball with satisfaction.

"Why… Why did you have that in your bag?" Marlene asked as she and Remus headed back towards the Gryffindor common room.

"Keeps him entertained for a while. So, after dinner, yeah?"

…

Everyone thought Sirius Black was a lady's man. He had the long silky hair and the swagger of a Pureblood. But he was also kind and funny and smart. There was no denying that Sirius Black was popular. That's why they all assumed that he was just as good with the opposite sex. They thought he would be getting dates left and right. Everyone thought wrong.

Sirius Black had little interest in dating. But unlike Remus, it had nothing to do with the fact that he wanted to graduate. It wasn't that girls didn't like him or didn't want to go out with him. There was someone he had his eye on.

Sirius Black had little interest in dating… Girls.

"Sirius, what are you still doing here? Everyone's at Hogsmeade with their Valentine's day dates. You said you had a date?" Remus said, his hand hovering over the essay he had been writing.

"I do have a date." Sirius said casually from where he sat beside Remus.

"Well what are you waiting for? The day's half over. You'll want to take her to Hogsmeade." Remus said, busying himself with his ink and spare quills, arranging them idly.

"Hogsmeade is not on the menu for this Valentine's day." Sirius said cryptically, he wanted to see how long it would take his genius of a friend to realize what was going on.

"Well, what are you doing then. She can't be in Gryffindor, all the girls our age are either gone or taken. Unless you're picking up firsties now…" Remus said, partially annoyed.

"Oi!"

"I didn't mean it. But seriously, what's the plan here mate?" Remus glanced at his friend. Sirius was lounging in the chair next to Remus, looking like he had no place to be.

Sirius opened his mouth, about to make a pun, his favorite pun using his name, when…

"Bloody hell Remus!" James said finally. He was staring at the girls stairwell, waiting for someone to come down. He barely paid his two friends any attention despite his outburst. "He's spending Valentine's day with you, you unobservant arsehole."

"What?" Remus turned towards Sirius. Sirius grinned, his cocky little grin.

"Lupin, Lupin, Lupin, you have a lot to learn in the ways of love."

"Oh just kiss already!" James said before jumping out of his chair. "Hey, Lily!"

"Well, you heard the man." Sirius smirked before kissing the socks of off Remus.

…

"Hey Lily!" James said as she walked down the stairs. "I was wondering-"

"No."


	4. Run Part 1

There is a saying in the wizarding world, "Never mess with a goblin". Around Hogwarts, there is also a saying, "Never mess with a Marauder… the others will find out". Everybody in Hogwarts knows of the Marauders. Everyone knows that they are fun loving pranksters, and while they can be assholes, they are also pretty nice too. But all of that changes when you mess with one of them. You think you'll be fine, there's only one of them. But sooner or later everyone learns that word will get around. The rest of the Marauders will find out, and when they do. Run.

"Remus, no!" Lily shouted.

But it was too late. Remus's fist connected with the boy's face and he crumpled to the ground.

"Say that again Jackson and you'll meet the same end, my fist in your face." Remus said, his voice deceptively calm. But everyone could see the anger that was threatening to bubble over. Students all over the class looked at Remus with a mixture of curiosity and fear. Never had they ever seen their perfectly calm and polite classmate lose it like that.

James, Sirius, and Peter on the other hand, were laughing their asses off. They knew Remus could handle what he started. They had no idea what the boy had actually said, otherwise they wouldn't have been laughing.

McGonagall had left the room for a moment at the request of Professor Sprout for a private word. In the meantime, Lily and the Ravenclaw boy, Daniel Jackson, had been arguing about transfiguration techniques. When Lily had torn apart each of his arguments with her logic the boy had resorted to the last thing he could think of. Insults.

Hissing, 'What would you know about magic, Mudblood?' was never going to fly. Remus had jumped up before he had known it, his fist slamming into the kids face with ease. He didn't feel a thing.

"Detention, Mr. Lupin." McGonagall said now, appearing in the doorway.

"Of course, Professor." Remus said, his voice perfectly polite as he sat back down next to Lily.

"To the infirmary, Mr. Jackson. Madam Pomphrey will have you fixed up easily." McGonagall said as she walked past the boy bleeding on the ground with barely a glance his way.

The boy muttered something darkly as he walked out of the classroom. Remus was nearly on his feet again, only Lily's gentle touch stopped him from following the idiot and really showing him how angry Remus was.

And honestly, the guy was lucky. He was lucky he had been sitting near Remus and Lily and nowhere near the rest of the Marauders. Because if he had… It would have been a massacre. Between all the charms, transfiguration, and prank spells the other three Marauders knew, there would have been very little Madam Pomphrey could have done for Daniel Jackson.

"Remus, you didn't have to…" Lily started in a low whisper.

"Of course I did." Remus said, sitting there calmly, like he hadn't just punched some kid in the face. Like there was no other reaction to someone calling Lily a Mudblood.

Because there wasn't.

…..

Sirius Black stepped out into the hallway after having a private word with Professor Gellar after class. Sirius couldn't actually believe what had happened. Instead of accusation of him pulling pranks (that he probably did do), the Professor had instead congratulated Sirius. He had been the only one to get the advanced shield charm that they had been trying to work right. Sirius felt positively giddy. He had finally done something on his own accord. Sirius knew he was smart, but applying himself in certain areas of school just didn't always seem worth it. But defense against the dark arts was different. Sirius worked so hard, studying ahead and even getting extra books from the library. He wanted to do good. He wanted to prove that he could defend against the dark arts, not do them like his family wanted.

And all his hard work had paid off. Professor Gellar had commended him on his improvement in class and on his homework. No wonder Remus was such a swot, Sirius thought, if it felt that good just to accomplish something in class.

"Well looky what we got here." Two boys rounded the corner and faced Sirius.

"It's Black, looking like he's king of the world just because Professor Gellar gave him a gold star." One of them said mockingly. Sirius didn't even know who they were, just two Hufflepuff guys. They looked somewhat familiar but he didn't know their names.

"Funny, isn't? I've been working for two months on that shield and nothing. Black gets it like it's a first year charm. How do you think that happened?" The taller one said.

"Hmmm. Takes one to know one I guess. The Black's are known for the dark arts, and he's probably been learning since he was a baby. If you know the dark arts and how they work, you must know how to defend them." The blonde said.

"I've met his mother unfortunately. Piece of work she is." The tall one replied.

"Evil." The blonde one hissed.

"They're all evil. Always have been, always will be."

Sirius said nothing. His hands shook but he kept them in his pockets. There was nothing he could do. There was no denying his family was evil. And if he did what he actually wanted to do, he would just prove them right. But if he said nothing, well, they still got what they wanted. They got to say anything they wanted to him. It was lose-lose for Sirius. So he stood there and he took it, desperately trying not to think of his parents. Think about everything they had ever said or done to him. He never wanted to think of them again. But it didn't work like that.

As Sirius's hands shook and his mind raced of every nasty word his mother had ever called to him, his saving grace had arrived. An angel with flaming red hair and claws.

"How dare you?" She hissed, her hair whipping behind her as she stormed towards the two boys. Both were very tall, at least a foot taller than Lily Evans, but that hardly mattered. What mattered was that these boys now had an incandescently angry Lily Evans at their throats.

"How dare you talk to him that way? What has he ever done to you?" She screeched as she backed them into a corner.

"Everyone knows…"

"Knows what?" Lily hissed. "That you two are bastards. Yes, everyone knows. But this is low. Sirius has never hurt a single person. Everyone knows he hates his family and yet you throw them in his face?"

Both boys had wide eyes as they watched actual flames roll down Lily's hair. Sirius, especially, had wide eyes. He had seen Lily angry (that was for damn sure) but he had never seen her so angry that her hair actually started on fire.

"You have no idea what Sirius puts up with. You have no idea just how much compassion and kindness this boy has. So both of you go take the sticks out of your ass or go take your shitty attitude out on someone else, because if I ever hear you talk bad about him again, you'll want to sleep with one eye open."

And with wandless, wordless magic a flock of birds appeared and dive bombed the two boys until they ran away.

"Lily…" Sirius said, his hand on her shoulder.

"And they call themselves Hufflepuffs." Lily scoffed, her chest heaving with deep breathes.

Sirius tentatively patted out the few small flames that were rolling through Lily's hair. And even though his hands still shook and his mother still flashed around in his head, he felt a hundred feet tall.

"You've got to do the hair catching on fire thing next time James pisses you off. I'd love to see the look on his face as you literally start on fire!"

Lily smiled. And Sirius grinned as they walked to lunch together, leaving behind a slight trail of smoke.


	5. Run Part 2

Peter Pettigrew wasn't the strongest or the bravest or smartest. He knew this. And he was relatively okay with it. He knew he would never be a star. But he had his mother and some good friends and he was okay.

What he was not okay with, was when one of those friends were hurt.

"Look at Potter over there. Arrogant piece of work, isn't he?" Danielle Macmillan said to her friend Elise. They were sitting at the Gryffindor table having lunch when they spotted James and Peter a little ways down, bent over a bit of parchment.

"Yeah. Perfect little Pureblood, with perfect parents, perfect hair, and perfect popularity. The boy has probably never worked a day in his perfect life." Elise grumbled over her eggs. They barely knew James Potter. But knowing someone has never stopped a bully. In fact, it's usually a requirement. Because when you actually get to know someone, you find out that they too are a complex individual. But that defeats the purpose, yeah? How can you bully someone when you know they have feelings just like you?

"Privileged little boy." Danielle scoffed.

And that was that. No yelling. No confrontation. No fighting. Why would they need to? Words are the best (and worst) arsenal a person has. Proof of humanity, and of its shortcoming.

"Prongs-"

"Leave it, Wormtail. It's not important. We need to figure out a way to add a search ability to the map." James muttered, writing down some complex arithmancy string.

But Peter knew it was important. He knew James tended to put the weight of the world on his shoulders, even with things he had no control over. Especially with things he had no control over. James would do anything so that Sirius didn't hate himself and his family. He would do anything to keep Moony from changing into a werewolf once a month. He would do anything to make Peter into a somebody. But the fact, he couldn't. James Potter did have a perfect life. And he hated it.

Those girls didn't know that. But Peter knew. And he knew how much James thought they were right. How much he thought worse of himself because of it.

Now, while the Marauders in general were not against pranking girls (Oi, that's discrimination), they didn't use violence on girls unless a girl started it. Peter wasn't strong anyway. He wasn't a good dueler. What he was good at, was stealth.

Midnight that night.

"Danielle, pass me my brush, would you?" Elise said standing in front of the long mirror in the girl's dormitory. It was when she looked in that mirror that she saw it.

"A RAT!" The girl screamed, before jumping on top of a nearby trunk. The rat scurried around the room before disappearing. The girls in the room screamed for nearly thirty minutes, thinking every shadow, every slight movement was a rat. And as soon as they calmed down, thinking it was gone... A rat ran out from underneath the bed.

This happened once a week for three months. Peter wasn't the strongest or the smartest, but he was pretty quick.

….

Remus hadn't been having the best of days. He couldn't find any of his jumpers so he had to wear just his school uniform shirt. One that showed off too much skin in his opinion. Remus knew what people thought of him. His arms were covered in scars and he had a fresh one that started at his collarbone and disappear down into his shirt. That wasn't mentioning the one on his cheek. But most people were used to that one. They looked at his face all the time. Remus rarely went anywhere without a jumper on.

"I'm heading to the library to do some studying up on runes. You idiots go do whatever it is your plotting to do. I want to tell McGonagall honestly that I have no idea what you're up to." Remus said as he, James, and Sirius walked down the moving staircase towards the fourth floor. They had just come from charms. Peter (lucky him) had been sick and in the hospital wing, so he wasn't in class.

"Moony, you wound us. What makes you think we're up to something?" Sirius said, throwing an arm around Remus.

"Inevitability." Remus deadpanned and James grinned.

"Look at his arms, bloody hell." Someone whispered behind them.

Remus tensed.

"Awful, right? Didn't know they matched his face…" The other one said not to softly. Neither of them were being quiet and were only walking about fifteen paces behind the three boys.

"Well, library." Remus said quickly, pulling out from Sirius's arm. He quickly made his way down the stairs, in the direction of the library. Sirius's jaw clenched.

"And remember to stop and give Peter the charms notes." Remus threw over his shoulder. And he was gone. James stood impeccably straight with an unbending spine.

Which left James, Sirius, and the two boys in an empty part of the castle, nearing dinnertime, when nobody would be coming back up that way. All alone.

James and Sirius looked at each other, and smiled. This was no happy smile. No. This was a smile that suggested it might be the last thing you ever see.

"I think I'll send Professor McGonagall a patronus message." James said calmly and cheerfully, as if discussing the weather.

"What for Potter, you can't prove anything, it's our word against yours." One said.

James waved his wand and his Stag appeared in all it's bright light.

"Professor McGonagall, Sirius and I were attacked on the fifth floor of the west wing, near the charms room. These two boys attacked us and now they're hurt. They seem to have a lot of injuries, while trying to attack us they fell down the moving staircase. Please get here as soon as you can."

"We didn't fall down the staircase?"

"Not yet." Sirius smirked.

…

"Tell me again, what happened here?" McGonagall asked, surveying the scene with her sharp eyes. There were two boys, a Slytherin and a Hufflepuff sixth year, who were lying on the floor while Madam Pomphrey checked out their injuries. McGonagall took a moment before she could actually recognize who they were because they had been changed to every color imaginable. They were also battered and bruised in more place than they weren't.

"Well, you see Professor." James started with his most respectful voice. "After charms, Sirius and I wanted to try out some new charms that we had found in a book in the library. Yes, some prank ones, but nothing harmful. We didn't want to try them out on just anybody so we were going to try them on each other."

"We were bored." Sirius surmised. "But we thought, with Peter sick, we'd wait for him to get better before some of our other pranks…"

James shot Sirius a 'shut up right now' look. Sirius grinned and shrugged.

"We thought we'd try them out up here since we were already here and since no one really comes up here at this time of the day. Didn't want anyone to get hit accidently." James continued, not even once glancing at the groaning boys bleeding on the floor near them.

"Get to the point, Mr. Potter." McGonagall said.

"Of course, Professor. We thought we were alone, but these two must have been the last ones out of charms. They saw us throwing spells at each other and… well, I don't know if they were trying to stop us from fighting or if they just wanted a go at us, but they started attacking us. They surprised us, I threw a color spell that I was trying on Sirius at them because I panicked."

"I was practicing the wind charm, because mainly, and I can't stress this enough, I was trying to ruin pretty boy's hair." Sirius said, gesturing towards James.

"Oi!"

"Sorry, mate. I couldn't resist." Sirius laughed. "But I never got to use it on you because of those two. I didn't think it was that strong, but they must have tripped on each other and went flying down the stairs."

"Really?" Professor McGonagall asked. The boys nodded. She stood there, staring down these two boys, who were the perfect mixture of innocence and mischievous. She might have bought it too. If the portraits hadn't told her exactly what happened.

"Tell me," McGonagall said suddenly. "How many times did they fall down the stairs?"

James and Sirius looked at each other, the perfect mixture of mischievous and triumphant.

"I dunno, Professor." James said, not taking his eyes of Sirius. "It's all such a blur. I lost count."


End file.
